The weather is cool and overcast here in Greenville, SC, today, so you would think that one with a gap in his clothing would feel a breeze on his bare skin. But I salute you, Mr. Barer McBottomson, who was so enthralled in servicing your vehicle that you neglected to service your waistline by wearing a belt.
No, you let your backside brave the elements as you bent over, posterior proudly peeking over your jeans, letting all of the Verdae Boulevard lunch-hour traffic gaze upon the ghostly pale hue of your hiney.
I extend my palm to you for a congratulatory slap. On your palm, that is. Just please pull up your pants.
I don’t delude myself into thinking I’ll ever sit across from James Lipton and answer these questions for him, but I thought this was a fun exercise from The Daily Post:
On the interview show Inside the Actors’ Studio, host James Lipton asks each of his guests the same ten questions. What are your responses?
1. What is your favorite word?
I’m gonna go with awesome. I say it a lot. Is 41 too old to use that word? Sometimes I think it is.
2. What is your least favorite word?
Can’t. Because I hate admitting that I can’t do something, and I hate hearing people say that I can’t do something. Perhaps I’m more of a rebel than I thought…
3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually, emotionally?
I would have to say music, but while I love a beautiful melody or catchy hook, I appreciate a song more for its lyrics. For example, the music in “A Light That Never Comes” by Linkin Park isn’t so bad; however, as a grammar nerd, I can’t sit there and listen to “Night gets darkest right before dawn / What don’t kill you makes you more strong.” O… M… G… I wanna stab a red pen into the radio.
4. What turns you off?
Bragging. And I don’t mean talking about your accomplishments, because there are times and places for that. I mean the people who consistently try to drop their achievements into casual conversation. You’re not fooling anyone, and truth be told, you’re really not impressing anyone either, and one day? The universe is gonna step in and bite you in the ass and none of that crap will help you.
5. What is your favorite curse word?
Shit. It’s my go-to word for all things that go wrong, but mainly when I’m at home or among friends. However, sometimes when I’m caught way off-guard, it slips out in public or at work. One time at my last job, the power went out, and it scared me so badly that I let a “Shit!” slip out loud enough that the International Space Station Called and asked what was wrong. Oh well…
6. What sound or noise do you love?
If I had kids, I’m sure the sound would be their laughter, but barring that, it would have to be the sound of the ocean. Unfortunately, I haven’t heard that sound in person since August 2011 when we went to North Myrtle Beach. But I still remember the feeling I had when I got out of the car at the resort and heard the crashing of the waves. I’ll get back there one day…
7. What sound or noise do you hate?
The sound of metal scraping or clicking against teeth is worse than fingernails on a chalkboard for me, especially when it’s my own teeth. I got my teeth cleaned at the dentist’s office on Wednesday, and the whole time the hygienist was scraping I felt like what Agent Smith looked like in The Matrix after Neo jumps inside him.
I blame it on braces. Because I had them in the dark ages of the early 1980s, the ones I had were metal bands that wrapped around each tooth, plus the wires that connected them all together. I was a headgear set away from channeling AM radio with my mouth.
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
I could sit and watch The Weather Channel all day long, especially during hurricane season. Sometimes I think I could have been a meteorologist, but then I remember all the science classes I would have to take, and I fall asleep.
9. What profession would you like not to do?
Other than the “volunteer” shifts I had to do at the marching band’s food stand at the minor league baseball stadium, I’ve never had a food service job, and I’ve never wanted one. I have a hard enough time putting one foot in front of the other, so I really don’t want to add juggling breakable plates and glasses. I have the utmost respect for people who can spend eight-plus hours on their feet taking orders and carrying large trays of food and beverages and dealing with unpleasable diners, but I know myself enough to realize that type of job is not for me.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
Well, none of us get there without something to answer to. I know that’s what Christians are supposed to strive to do, but we’re not perfect. I suppose I’m just hoping for “Not bad. Come on in.”
Today on the way to lunch:
Me: So I told Mom I was going to skip tomorrow.
Him: What’s tomorrow?
Me: I was going to go with Mom to take Nanny out to lunch, but I just can’t say that I’m completely passed this cold. I just don’t want to risk spreading germs that can get back to Dad with his chemo and all.
Him: Yeah, don’t be Patient Zero, Carla. Nobody likes Typhoid Mary…
From The Daily Post…
Two years ago, we went to North Myrtle (Beach, for those uninitiated with South Carolina cities) to see one of The Husband’s all-time favorite bands. We also ended up seeing the southern side of Hurricane Irene as she headed up to the Outer Banks. But on that Sunday morning (the day we were leaving, of course), the weather was gorgeous, and I actually set the alarm so I could see the sun rise over the Atlantic.
So I caught my all-time favorite beach photo. Missed sleep well spent.