Posted by: Carla | April 23, 2008

The Appropriate Gift Is Leather

So April 1st was my third-year blogaversary. Yeah, I know, I didn’t send out announcements or throw a party or anything. Besides, a party of three people is just sad. I’m more than happy to accept presents, though.

When I first started this site on Blogger in April 2005, I was starving for a creative outlet. I was bitter at The Powers That Be at the company where I worked because they took me out of my writing position and put me back out on the newsletter formatting assembly line for the second time. (Sidenote: I’m talking about this now because The Powers That Be are now The Powers That Were, and the whole company shuts down in 66 days, so pffffft…)

I started writing my own blog for validation. That extraction from the writing department — which was actually disbanding it altogether — was a huge blow to my self-esteem. To have the new VP of Marketing label all the work you’ve done in trying to improve products as “worthless” was a huge blow to me. Mainly because it’s never really happened before. Not to sound conceited, but I’ve never really had someone look me in the eye (well, in this case it was the eye of my coworker) and say what I had done was of no value.

So in conversing with a former coworker of mine by e-mail, I noticed a link in his e-mail signature, found his blog, and realized that this blogging thing could be something to nurse my creative wounds. And I wasn’t disappointed. However, it did shift from a blog about my writing to a blog about what was going on in my life.

I have to be honest too — most of the time, what you read here on this site is what came out of my head on the first run-through. Some bloggers keep an arsenal of posts to go through and edit and then post when they feel they are perfectly composed. With me, you get my mental diarrhea, and I’m sure that may seem hypocritical — to call myself a writer and then not make sure that each entry is a literary gem. But it’s my site. I’m Sappy Chick; I ramble. I edit my stuff when I get paid to do it.

As of this post, I’ve had 41,905 visits, and 1,399 comments on 383 posts. (This one will make it 384.) My all-time most popular post — with 1,332 visits — is this one, written after a pesky stomach virus last spring. It’s most popular because the most popular search term that brings visitors to this site is “stomach virus 2007.” So, I guess you could say that people read my blog because I’m full of shit?

I’ve been thinking about what I want to do with blogging. Do I wanna get my own domain? I can’t justify paying for hosting when I can’t even keep up a decent posting schedule. I thought I had worked past my slackerdom a few weeks ago when I posted every day for a week, but now, I chalk that up to being off from work.

But that’s where I am… a soon-to-be-unemployed newsletter formatter who used to get paid to write full-time, trying to figure out what I want to do with my Web site… and the rest of my life.

How’s that sound for a blog tagline?

Posted by: Carla | April 6, 2008

Pub Conversation

Cinlach: (catching a glimpse of of a movie trailer on the TV) Oh, cool the Prince Caspian movie. I can’t wait to see that.

John: Dude, I’m so tired of fucking talking animals.

Posted by: Carla | March 30, 2008

Heard Tonight After Wrestlemania

Our friend Rob: (to his stepson) Okay, one more choke slam and then you’re going to bed.

Posted by: Carla | March 29, 2008

So I’ll Never Plan a Trip to Key Largo

…because it brought up this conversation on the way home from dinner:

Opening chords of “Key Largo” playing on 106.3 Charlie FM (”They play… everything.” Literally, that’s their tagline.)

Cinlach: Oh, what’s this song?

Me: (singing along with Bertie Higgins) “Wrapped around each other… Tryin’ hard to stay warm…”

Cinlach: It sounds familiar…

Me: “That first long winter tooo-gether… lyin’ in each others’ arms…”

Cinlach: I can’t think of the name…

Me: “Watching those old movies… falling in love so desperately… Honey, I was your heeeero… and you were my leeeeading laydeee… (pause for one… two…) We had it all…”

Cinlach: Oh. My. God…

Me: “Just like Bogey and Bacall…”

Cinlach: How do you know the words to this song?

Me: “Starring in our ooown late laaaate shooooow… sailing away to Key Largo…”

Cinlach: What were you, like 5 when this song came out? How do you remember that?

Me: “Here’s lookin’ at yoo-ou kid…” I was not 5. I was probably 8 or 9.

Cinlach: So you listened to bad music then, too, huh?

Note: The year was 1982, so I was 9… maybe 10. Still not old enough to know better.

Posted by: Carla | March 27, 2008

Now I Ask the Questions

What a small world this is! The person who left a comment after mine under The Great Interview Experiment (thereby making her my interview subject), went to college in Greenville, SC!

Alex of The Roaming Southerner (now on my blogroll) is a sweet, funny girl now living in Michigan. I told her if she were still single and living in Greenville, I’d totally try to set her up with my brother. She was a great person to interview, and here are my questions and her answers.

1. When I first visited your site, I saw those yummy pictures of that chicken pasta, and I thought, “Now, here’s someone I can get along with… a fellow foodie!” So tell me, what are your favorite things to cook? Are you by-the-recipe in the kitchen or do you just experiment with different ingredients and sometimes just throw stuff together because it sounds good?
Okay, so I am a closet foodie. My hubs does not like spending money on food (he thinks that a can of tuna and a spoonful of peanut butter are good enough). So when I get the chance (aka. company) or I see something great on sale, I will make “nicer” food. On normal days, I just try to put spins on classics (sausage, beans, and rice…chili (all kinds white, spicy, beany, etc.)…and different spaghetti recipes (I am in a quest to make the perfect sauce). I never go by the recipe, usually because I don’t have all the ingredients and I love to taste the food as I season and think about what is missing. I have made some things that are not spectacular before but, in my book, almost any dish can be saved by more garlic and pepper. But I love to experiment with fancy foods from cookbooks and Food network shows.

2. You’ve moved several times. What’s your coping strategy for adjusting to a new place and for living farther away from family?
I didn’t cope at ALL with moving when I first got married. We moved the day after we got married (great honeymoon, huh?)…so I never had time to worry about moving. I was more concerned with getting my marriage off to a good start and finishing the wedding nonsense. My husband is a true adventurer…he gets antsy if he stay in one spot too long. So I’ve had to learn that adventures are good…to put down the book I’m currently reading and get out and explore. After our second move, I became less paranoid (but leaving DC will do that)…more open…less concerned on how I was perceived…because we could move if I didn’t like it (after a few years at least). And when I became more open, I made more friends. And that is what makes moving good…you get to expand and make new friends without as much fear. The blog has helped me cope with change…more on that below!

3. Who or what inspired you to start blogging? How’s your experience been so far?
My best friend from college started blogging when she got pregnant…she was cataloguing her life and I thought that it was a good idea even though I didn’t have a kid to catalogue. The blog was great because it helped me stay connected from the friends I just moved away from in the south, helped me vent frustrations, and find a community that was more like me (rather than the people I went to graduate school–to say I was strange because I was southern, conservative, married, and not snotty is an understatement). I have loved blogging…I will admit that when times get tough (bad job, strained friendships, dealing with seasonal depression) I go into myself and leave blogging behind, which is counterproductive. I love finding people that I relate to when I am far away from those that know me. Even reading the momblogs that scare me to celibacy make me laugh and smile when my husband is studying till midnight for law school finals and/or feeling lonely.

4. Give us a current and all-time favorite entertainment rundown:
The CD/artist that’s currently on repeat and your all-time fave: I am not a music gal, but I have found a new obsession at work: Pandora. Online Radio that you pick. I vary it up from Beyonce (for energy), Rap (when I’m frustrated), Toby Keith (when I want to be driving home to Atlanta), and Dolly Parton (whenever I want a smile).

The last movie you saw and your all-time fave flick: In the theater: 27 Dresses (very cute)…but I just finished watching Pride & Prejudice (BBC version) for the 50th time last night and caught the last part of Wayne’s World …party time, excellent.

The book your currently reading and your all-time fave: Current Read, Anna Karenina and another Philipa Gregory, Virign’s Lover (about Elizabeth I). All time fav: anything related to Pride & Prejudice, Harry Potters, and John Irving’s Prayer for Owen Meany (You will finish this book and think that the world is a great place that makes sense).

The TV show you MUST watch each week and the one that’s (you guessed it) your all-time fave: I will watch every rerun of Gilmore Girls in existence so that might be for both answers… but new shows I love: Chuck, The Office, My Name is Earl, Project Runway/Top Chef. Oh, and all things Alton Brown/Ina Garten and House Hunters. I watch too much TV.

5. What’s the best advice you’ve ever gotten?
My mom always says to me, “Include everyone, it is the best way to make friends rather than enemies.”

6. Another thing we have in common: We both like to entertain! Your post on your recent Ave friend party hit home because sometimes I go through that same dilemma. (Want to keep the party small but not leave anyone out as well!) What’s been your most memorable get-together?
HA! I just touched on that with my mom’s quote. But I will tell you, it has been the best way for me to meet new people when I’ve moved to a new place. People automatically will make a connection with you coming into your house, and they will feel your friendliness because you invited them. (They also usually ask you to do something back, which is good for a girl who is home with a studying husband a lot). My most memorable get-together would be my first: New Year’s 2005, a year after we were married. My mom let me host it at her house (she was going to another party)…all my college friends and their boyfriends/fiances/husbands came dressed up…we used my fancy china and silver. We stayed up late…drank WAY too much…and I made brunch for people in the morning… It was a LOT of work, but one of the most fun times I’ve had with my friends. Sidenote: also the first time my mother ever saw me drunk/I was ever drunk at my mom’s house (I was 23)…she was less than thrilled.

7. So being a southern girl, what’s your reaction when you get the “Oh, I LOVE your accent!”? Have you lost any of the drawl living up north?
Sadly, I’ve never had a thick accent. My mom worked hard to lose hers when she moved from (what she terms) “the armpit of the South” and my dad grew up in ATL…now that being said…my accent comes out crazy for two things: talking about Southern things or food. When my friends with southern accents talk, I start slinging the lingo full force. I start preaching to yankees about “FrIEd Peeckls” or the allure of “Geohrgah Rehd ClaAy.” They say my southern is showing. The weirdest thing is southern phrases I never new were southern. Like my favorite: “I get lost trying to get out of a paper sack.” Someone said, what is a paper sack? HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN PAPER SACK TO A YANKEE? Grocery bag.

8. What’s a hobby/skill that you haven’t quite been able to pick up yet that you wish you could do?
I tried knitting last year…my friend tried to teach me…and I learned something about myself. If I have to follow directions, do things precise, then it isn’t for me. I love to throw pottery (on a wheel not at my husband)…but I’m not very good at it. If I could get better at that I would love it. My other skill I would love to pick up without work would be organization and shower cleaning–not a sport I’m good at. Oh, and I am learning to run (I know I know…you think that you just move your legs fast, but my chubchubs just won’t go for long and evidently I breathe badly–my friend is trying to teach me the ways to run correctly!).

9. You’ve just accidentally banged your pinky toe on your bed frame. The first thing out of your mouth is “________!”
You don’t know how many times I actually do this…scary, you have been spying on me! Usually, after stubbing my toe, you will find me rolling on the bed in pain shouting “FRACKIN A! OUCH” or jumping around while my husband is taking up my bed rolling space saying “F*ckin’ jimminies, that hurt.” My ease at dropping the f* bomb is becoming a little more proficient…I need to work on that.

10. What’s your all-time favorite quote?
“Everywhere you go, there you are” - Susanne Sugarbaker from Designing Women. And while I liked that first because it is just silly…there is some truth to it…you can’t run from yourself. The things you do, the stuff you mess up, the qualities you don’t like in yourself can not be solved by running away or moving…you have to look at yourself objectively, make the hard to decision to change/rectify the wrongs, and then DO IT. This is easier said than done, but it is a truth I’ve learned.

So, I’m surfing around the usual blogs around I read, and I find a post over at Sarcomical, where she participated in The Great Interview Experiment. I thought it was a cool idea, so I signed up. (The list is now around 500 now; it’s pretty cool.)

Butterfly over at Urban Heat Island was my interviewer, and she came up with some good ones!

1. What do you wish you had invented?
I wish I had come up with the idea to put spandex in jeans and twill pants and almost all the other materials that clothes are made out of these days. It just takes that little bit of spandex to make my wardrobe so much more comfortable!

2. What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?
I’ve always been fascinated with the weather. I could sit for hours and watch the Weather Channel, and the going joke at work when storm watches go out is to have me check the radar (like no one else can get on the Internet and check it). Seriously, I’ve got like 3 or 4 weather sites bookmarked. Unfortunately, I hated science in school and spent class writing poetry instead of taking notes, so meteorology school wasn’t for me. Of course, seeing as I’m out of a job in a couple of months, perhaps it’s time to reconsider. Kidding… totally kidding. I could just see my mother reading that and fainting at the thought of the $50,000 they spent on my college education going out the window.

3. What are some of your addictions/vices/guilty pleasures/etc?
I’m hopelessly addicted to Mexican food. I eat some sort of Mexican dish at least two but sometimes three to four times a week. We have the local Mexican place, the chain fast food (Moe’s Southwest Grill), and we usually make at least one Mexican meal at home each week.

Also, my husband convinced me to start playing World of Warcraft last fall, and I now have a level 56) Blood Elf mage on the Earthen Ring server. So if any of you gamers out there wanna group up for an instance, my character name is Sennadria.

And, I’ve also been known to watch The Hills and Making the Band (the P. Diddy ones) on MTV. I… I don’t know why.

4. What book do you casually put out on your coffee table to impress visitors?
My husband and I have joked about putting my college Shakespeare book on the coffee table for company because it is one of those monstrous, hardcover, intellectual-looking books. But then, the first guest to crack open the cover would find it littered with highlighted passages and notes in the margin from my undergrad Shakespeare class. So it stays on the bookshelf.

Our coffee table has a top and then a lower shelf, and I can admit to strategically placing Pampered Chef catalogs when people come over in the hopes that they’ll look at them and want to buy something. But mainly on the bottom shelf are magazines we haven’t looked at in months, a nice poker chip/card set that has been used maybe twice, and an Apples to Apples game that has been played maybe twice as well.

5. Weigh in briefly on the following topics:
body modification (tattoos/piercing/cosmetic surgery/extreme bodybuilding/scarification/etc): I think body modification is a tricky thing because there can be a fine line between modification and mutilation, perhaps less so for tattoos and piercings, but more so for scarification and cosmetic surgery. Two words — Jenn@ J@meson. I think people can get so wrapped up in changing their bodies that their mindset becomes warped to the point that they’ll never be happy with the way they look.

religion: Oooh, there’s a touchy one. I have a set of beliefs. I am a Christian, but I don’t go to church. I know I’ll go back when we have kids, but it’s going to be a difficult process finding a church to go to. I’ve just been so tired of the people who go to church to enhance their social agenda and make themselves look better or show off how great they are.

sex/porn/prostitution and morality: Sheesh, you pick some toughies! What you do in your own home is your own business until it starts hurting someone else.

Britney Spears: Someone should just take her to Montana for maybe three years so her hair will finally grow out and the paparazzi might leave her alone for half that time. Maybe then she might be okay. Unless there’s some great big conspiracy to kill her, like this week’s episode of South Park.

cat people vs dog people (since you seem to be both): I think that everyone is one or the other, even if they have both. I believe that even animal lovers have a preference, and I think that many times the inclination toward one over the other has to do with upbringing. I myself have always been a dog person, and no one else in my family has ever really liked cats. My father’s mother hated them, and while I do think our Loki is adorable and loving, I have to say that I do play favorites and would choose Domino over him if I ever had to be forced to choose between one of them. Just don’t tell him that because I think he’d kill me in my sleep.

6. What constitutes an ordinary meal in your house?
Heh… This is a good one. Well, Cinlach (the husband… not his real name) doesn’t eat veggies, so sometimes I try to do a main dish of some sort of meat with one side dish we’ll both eat and then some sort of veggie that I want: barbecue chicken with mac and cheese and then green beans for me. We make quesadillas at home once a week, (I add chopped veggies on mine) and we do personal pizzas with premade crusts. (Mama Mary’s are da bomb!) I love cooking, and I feel especially victorious when I find new dishes that Cinlach and I both enjoy.

7. What is your favorite book right now? Your favorite author? Read anything lately you don’t really want anyone to know about?
Well, I don’t want anyone to know that I haven’t been reading a lot lately. (See aforementioned comment about World of Warcraft.) However, I have been transitioning to doing a little more writing and reading and a little less gaming, so I can tell you that I’ve started reading The Writing Life by Annie Dillard. I’ve got a whole stack of books sitting on my dresser as well, just waiting to be read.

My favorite author? I can’t pick. I can tell you that when I was in college I read Josephine Humphries’ Rich in Love and immediately devoured anything else she had written before and has written since. She hasn’t put anything out in a while though. I also love reading Kaye Gibbons, and Empire Falls by Richard Russo and The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseni are a couple of my favorite books.

8. Say that you have 24 hours to do whatever you want: family and friends, co-workers and telephone solicitors have all agreed to leave you alone. What would you do?
Sit in my pajamas all day and watch my chick flicks without having Cinlach come in and go, “What are you watch– Oh, that crap again?” The day would also include an afternoon nap and a long soak in a bubble bath.

9. If you were alone on a deserted island and could have 5 things, what would they be?
1 & 2 - A huge stack of notepads and a case of pens so I could write to pass the time
3 - Soap because I’m not going that long without a bath
4 - My iPod: Yes, I realize the battery will go dead eventually, but I’ll ration out my blessed music time.
5 - Fingernail clippers: Because sooner or later, in all the work I’d have to do to survive, I’d a nail will start breaking down in the quick… And I’m not gonna tear that bad boy off.

10. What is the difference between affect and effect?
“Affect” is a verb that means to influence someone/something or to bring about a change or an “effect,” which is a noun meaning a result of something. In my eyes, I’d rather affect someone rather than be an effect. :-)

Thanks again to Butterfly, and I’ll be posting my interview with Alex from The Roaming Southerner on Thursday.

Posted by: Carla | March 25, 2008

Thoughtful Thursday: Week 1

My poor blog has been neglected over the past few months. I let myself get busy doing… well, nothing really. And now, I’m coming up on my third-year blogaversary (seriously… three years!) next week, and I’m ready to inject some new life into this site — well, at least some new posts.

I think sometimes I get distracted away from my blog is because I feel a need for validation. I like to think that I don’t need it, but in the end, when I put a post out there and it sits with no comments, I feel a little deflated. But really, aren’t there some of you who feel the same? I know I’m not the only one who wants a little blog love…. Wait, that didn’t come out right.

I have this idea for a new feature here at Sappy Chick’s Ramblings called Thoughtful Thursday. There are probably similar things floating around the blogisphere, but mine will work as follows:

  • Leave at least one thoughtful comment on any post on my blog between now and 11:59 pm (EDT) Wednesday night. And by thoughtful, I mean some sort of statement that shows you read the post, not some “Hi, nice post” blathering. I told you any post, so surely you can find something to which you can add something insightful. And if you can’t, for God’s sake, don’t tell me because I’m already down to my last few therapy appointments unless I find a new job soon!
  • In return for your time, I will post at least one thought-provoked comment on your blog tomorrow, which I have deemed Thoughtful Thursday.
  • And don’t stop with just my blog! Check out some of the other recent commenters by clicking on their name in the “What’s Been Said” section of the sidebar. Let them know you got there by participating in Thoughtful Thursday!

And while I’ll be honest and admit that this is sort of a ploy to get you to boost my self-esteem, I also hope it sort of builds a little bit of a community here — one that plays nicely, of course. Begging for comments is so demeaning, this is a win-win for all of us, and it gives me access to some new blogs that I’ll enjoy.

So, we’ll see how it works. Hope to talk to you Thursday!

Posted by: Carla | March 24, 2008

My Writing Timeline: The Early Years

1981
Wrote in a diary given to me at Christmas, a small red book with a lock and key. Would prove to be an idea that should have been followed in… say, 10 more years.

1982-83
-Wrote my first poem as a fifth grader for Mrs. Finley’s class. The poem was about the town of Simpsonville, and I remember her being pleased with my work.
- Wrote a short story as a class assignment to be entered into a contest. Mrs. Finley would choose the story to be entered. My story was about me and my friend Mandy discovering a haunted house. She didn’t pick my story, and when I asked her why, she replied that my story was all dialogue. Criticism I’ve remembered for 25 years.
- For yet another class assignment, I wrote a fake news story about the big, red storm on the planet Jupiter coming to Earth. I don’t remember how the particulars of that would work or even if I even came up with any. I do remember Mrs. Finley actually asking if that was really going to happen. In hindsight, I realize my reply should have been, “How’s that for no dialogue, bee-yotch!”
- My friend Rhonda reads my class journal (with my permission) and says, “You could be a writer.”

1983-87
- Began keeping a five-subject notebook with mainly sappy, cheesy love poems. Poems so bad that 15 years later, they couldn’t even win a Bad Poetry Contest at work. My middle school and high school friends, however, couldn’t get enough and made requests for me to write poems about them.
- Was published in the school’s literary magazine in seventh grade. Don’t remember the exact topic, but do know that it wasn’t a sappy love poem.
- At age 13, received a guitar for birthday and started taking lessons. Decided I would leave South Carolina at age 18 to go to New York and pursue a career as a singer/songwriter. Announced goal at dinner one night; thoroughly entertained parents with good laugh.
- Most extensive diary action so far occurred during 8th grade year. Some entries included lists of who had crushes on whom and diagrams of where my current crush sat in relation to where I sat in classes we shared.

August 1987
Grandfather passes away suddenly after a massive heart attack at age 58, leaving me (then 15) devastated by the first loss of a close loved one. A couple weeks after his death, my grandmother finds a poem that he wrote in his Bible. Would become the moment I decided I wanted to be a writer.

1987-1990
- Still wrote some sappy poems, but their numbers were dwindling. Read “She Sweeps With Many-Colored Brooms” by Emily Dickinson and became infatuated with her poetry, em dashes in particular.
- Published in high school literary magazine sophomore and junior years.
- Joined literary magazine staff, which was a class, for senior year. Was recruited by teacher/advisor during free period to type in entries and layout magazine in PageMaker 2.0 on a tiny Macintosh with a hard drive so small, the magazine had to be split up on three 3.5″ disks. Eventually did so much work on it that instead of a staff member listing, I was listed as Production Manager.
- Had my biggest high school crush tell me he liked my poetry. Feet didn’t touch the ground for days.
- During one literary magazine class, had a guest speaker, who regularly put on shows at a local dinner theater, read our work. She told my teacher that I had a lot of raw talent, which is also a way of saying, “You got a lot of work ahead of you.”
- In browsing college brochures, found one for Columbia College, a women’s college in South Carolina. After seeing the major of English with a Writing Emphasis, decided that’s the school for me. Got acceptance letter in January 1990 and later learned that I was the only person in my graduating class going there.

Coming Soon — My Writing Timeline, Part II: The College Years (or The Angst Strikes Back!)

Posted by: Carla | March 12, 2008

The Question on Everyone’s Mind

I work in a casual dress environment, which is a good thing because I can’t remember the last time I didn’t wear jeans two days in a row. It’s gonna suck having to go somewhere that has a more upscale dress code. Of course, clothes are more comfortable now that almost every material used to make garments contains at least a little spandex. Can we give that dude a Nobel prize, by the way? Come on… at least a standing ovation.

Anyhoo, because the majority of my coworkers stroll around in jeans and T-shirts each day, when someone dresses a little nicer, others take notice. Before it was kind of a joke to ask, “So, when’s the interview?” Of course the joke kind of backfires if that person is going to a funeral, which has happened.

Now, (see the post below if you’re not up to speed on our company’s situation) it’s more of a legitimate question than a joke. I heard one customer service rep ask someone from accounting if she had an interview today. She answered, “No, I had one yesterday.”

Then another coworker walked by wearing a nice pink and black blouse and dark slacks, so seeing as she’s usually in jeans and some sort of Duke university shirt, I asked, “Where’s the interview?”

“I didn’t have one,” she said, “but if I had a nickel for every time someone asked me that today, I’d be rich.”

Posted by: Carla | March 6, 2008

Oh, Hi… You’re Still Here?

Geez… didn’t think all three of you would stick around. Nice of you to do so.

So, yeah… I haven’t been around much the past few months. What have I been doing? Well, nothing that amounts to anything, I have to say. I go to work. Work my ass off till my brain is fried. Go home and turn into an vegetable instead of eating any.

But what’s new with you? Is 2008 a good year for you so far? I’ll be honest, it’s totally sucking ass for me right now. I found out Monday that the company I work for will no longer exist after June, possibly before that. Score another one for Corporate America.

Now, before you go all, “But Sappy Chick you were stuck in a rut with that job. It sucked the life out of you.” Ok, yes, I was burned out beyond dental records on that job.

But it’s like dating, you always want to be the dump-er, not the dump-ee. And even though I bitched and moaned and plotted and schemed to get out of there, I always thought that when that glorious day dawned, that company would still be there. That the world would go on without me.

Now, it’s going to go on without any of us.

And the situation presents quite the coinkidink for Cinlach and I since we both work there. (pausing for the collective “oooooooh”) Am I stressing? Well, we’ll just say that the therapist will be earning her money — at least until the insurance runs out. The severance package is totally generous though, if I stick it out. But if a better offer comes along that can’t wait until my time is up… severance, schmeverance.

Meanwhile, all these corporate people wander around the building, learning our processes, cataloging our equipment, holding meetings in our conference room. I can’t bear to make eye contact with them. I realize that it’s not really the buying company’s fault, but, to continue the dating analogy from earlier, our office is like the ex-boyfriend and they’re the new girlfriend. She’s not the reason you broke up and you don’t intend to be mean to her, but you still can’t find a way to be friends with her either.

Posted by: Carla | January 29, 2008

Your Cinlach Quote of the Day

“With that new shower curtain smelling up the bathroom, I feel like I’m pissing in a beach ball.”

Posted by: Carla | January 8, 2008

Oh, the Irony

Seen today on a newsletter:

“Join our Clutter Discussion Group! Space is limited, so RSVP…”

Posted by: Carla | October 16, 2007

Priorities

This morning on the way to work, the guy in front of us was driving an old beatup Impala and he had a cell phone bluetooth thing in his ear.

Something just seems off with that image, don’t ya think?

It’s the same thing with people who drive tricked out Escalades yet still have to go to the laundromat.

I myself would much rather have the washer and dryer, but maybe I’m the one with screwed up priorities.

Posted by: Carla | September 21, 2007

And the Christmas Decorations Aren’t Even Out Yet

Overheard tonight in a completely child-filled toy department at Target:

Christopher Michael, you get back here right now! We did not give you permission to walk off on your own!

And it only goes downhill from here, people…

Posted by: Carla | August 8, 2007

Random Moment From My Day

One of the women in the office changed clothes today in one of the stalls and left behind her hanger clearly marked with a size 2 clip.

Pffft… show off…

I’d like to take the hook end of it and choke her with it.

Posted by: Carla | July 28, 2007

Please Excuse Sappy Chick From Her Long-Ass Absence

I have a note from my doctor, I swear… ok, I’m totally lying; I have no excuse. But here’s what’s been going on:

The OMG-I’m-35-and-What-Am-I-Going-to-Do-with-the-Rest-of-My-Life? Thing: I thought another door had opened with the animation project I was involved with last year to present a full-time opportunity. But things there still need to come together, so it’s just going to be the occasional freelance. I wasn’t too bummed; I’d been keeping myself pretty grounded so as I wouldn’t lose my head. So now I’m planning on taking a writing class/workshop if the arts foundation offers them again this fall. I want to build up a manuscript/stack of stories in order to apply for the MFA in Writing program at Warren Wilson. That’s the preliminary plan, anyway.

Reading: I’m in the middle of Reading Lolita in Tehran. It’s pretty compelling. Growing up going to a Southern Baptist church, we were always told how thankful we should be because in some countries Christians can’t read their Bibles. I always thought that was terrible, and then I read this book and it hits home that it’s not just the Bible — it’s The Great Gatsby, Pride and Prejudice, and anything else the government deems “Western.” And to totally shift gears, I read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows last Sunday… loved it.

Movies: In keeping with the Harry Potter theme, the last movie I went to see was Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix — loved it too. Before that, I saw Ratatouille — another good one. Before that was Oceans Thirteen — liked it as well. Before that was Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End — Hated. It. With. A. Passion. The ending of that movie ruined the entire experienced. I have never walked out of a theater so dissatisfied. And finally, before Pirates was Spider-Man 3, which was good, but not as good as the second one.

And now, I leave you with a snippet from last night’s dinner conversation:
Brother-in-law #1: Actually, Jesus turned water into wine, so I don’t think of Christians drinking as being hypocritical
Brother-in-law#2: Yeah, but Jesus never went to the disciples and said, “Hey, let’s get smashed.”

Posted by: Carla | June 15, 2007

Friday Night Fights: Week One

Ladies and gentlemen…

Are you ready to rumbuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuullllllllllllllllllllll?

In one corner, we have the thick-coated, 75-pound, shepherd-collie-chow mix Dominooooooo!

And in the other corner, we have the fiery, fearless, flame-pointed, 10-pound siamese… Llllllllllllllloooooookiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!

Ding, ding, ding!

Posted by: Carla | June 12, 2007

Friday Night Fights Teaser

My 12 of 12 will be up tomorrow (or later today if you’re reading this on Wednesday), but I just wanted to give you a little teaser of a new segment I’m starting here at Sappy Chick’s Ramblings called Friday Night Fights. Here’s a short snippet of what you can expect:

Please note that neither Loki or Domino are harmed during the filming of these instances, and Cinlach and I do not provoke them into said encounters. These rows happen on their own — and quite frequently — but feline and canine are merely playing… for the most part. :-)

Posted by: Carla | June 9, 2007

Picture This Writing Prompt #2

Go here to see the pic and the guidelines.

Her: Did the flash go off when you took that?
Him: What? I don’t have the flash on!
Her: Well, I’m just checking. It looked like the flash went off.
Him: The flash is not on.
Her: Maybe it should be.
Him: No, it shouldn’t. There’s enough light here.
Her: Really? Did you learn that in class?
Him: There’s no need to be a smart ass.
Her: I’m not being a smart ass.
Him: Yes, you are. You’re pointing out that I’ve never taken a photography class even though there’s no need for me to do so. I’ve been practicing photography for ten years.
Her: No, you’ve been taking pictures for ten years, but you call it as photography so you can spend more than $1,000 on a crapload of equipment that you don’t know how to use.
Him: Oh, so you’re going to bring that up again.
Her: You’re damn right I’m going to bring that up again. The back deck needs to be replaced. My car rolled off the assembly line during the middle of the Clinton administration. Jenny starts Montessori school in the fall, but you’ve got to have your photography equipment. You’ve never even developed your own photos. You always take them to Walgreens.
Him: That’s because I don’t have any space for a developing room. The bonus room is filled with your failed business ventures — the kitchen stuff, the candles, the makeup, the sewing. At least mine has brought in some money.
Her: You won a $100 third prize at the Upstate Fair. Congratulations. You haven’t even entered in anything else since then.
Him: My pictures are on the Internet.
Her: The local news channel’s viewer submissions don’t exactly count as being published.
Him: Will you please shut up so I can concentrate on lining up this shot?
Her: (turning to a stranger beside her) Excuse me, are you a professional photographer.
Stranger: I’m able to pay the bills with my photos, so I guess you could say that I am.
Her: And have you taken any classes?
Stranger: Actually, no.
Him: (taking the picture) Maybe that’ll shut you up.
(flash of light)
Him: Son of a bitch
Her: Told you the flash was on.

Posted by: Carla | June 4, 2007

Where the Hell Did I Put My Life Road Map?

Not to brag or anything, but 9 times out of 10, I’m excellent with directions. Most times, you can give me highway numbers, and I’m good. I’ve been known to take backroads just because I noticed the same road numbers in different cities and realized I could get from one place to the other by taking that route. So with these mad traveling skills, you can imagine the tizzy I’m sent into on the rare occasions I’m lost or can’t find a home/business/etc.

Such an occasion presented itself the day before my birthday about three weeks ago. I had an appointment for a massage — my very first hour-long one, that didn’t involve someone coming to the office and setting up massage chairs in the conference room. I left for the appointment 30 minutes early, even though I knew it would take no more than 15 to get there, just to give myself enough time to find the place.

I was born and raised in Greenville and lived here for almost all of my 35 years. I had done a quick Mapquest search when I made the appointment a couple of weeks before, and familiarized myself with the intersection. So I felt I had a pretty good idea where the place was and even though I didn’t have business card with me with the address, I was confident that I’d see the sign from the road and that there’d be no problem.

But there was no sign to see from the road. I drove up Augusta Road way longer than I should have and saw nothing. So I turned around and came back. Then I remembered that the street address was 1600, so I circled the 1600 block five or six times… nothing.

The appointment time came and went. I tried calling the massage therapist and got her voicemail. I left a message with my cell phone number. I drove around again for another 20 minutes. She hadn’t return my call, so I gave up, called again and left a message that I would have to reschedule, and went home utterly frustrated. Later, I learned that the street number was 1990, not 1600 :oops:.

As frustrated as I was after that fiasco, this past week I have felt completely, totally, hopelessly lost. I had this plan. I had applied to the PACE program — a three-year alternative teaching program that allows those with a bachelor’s degree teach in critical needs areas or in critical needs districts while taking three graduate courses and attending some training programs, which leads to certification at the end of the three years. To be eligible for the program, I had to take two Praxis II tests for English — one was a 150-multiple-choice-question test, the other a four-essay-question test. I passed the multiple choice one with flying colors. I missed the essay test by 10 points.

I took the essay test again on the last Saturday in April, but as I learned Wednesday, I came up five points short of the score required by South Carolina. That was a huge blow. I was supposed to pass this test so I could get a teaching job for this fall so I could finally leave the job that has become insufferable over the past two and a half years.

Now, I have to wait until August to take the test again, which means I’d have to find a teaching job for next spring — if one’s available. One of my first reactions was that perhaps I’d just quit my job, get a part-time deal somewhere, and then go to the college in the next county that offers a Master of Arts in Teaching degree. I could go straight through and be student teaching in a year.

Then I thought, “Why am I trying so hard to go back to school for a job that I’m wanting just to pay the bills while I write?” It’s not that I’m silly enough to think that once I actually publish a novel (which I realize could take another 10 years… seeing as how I have to actually FINISH one!) I’ll be able to sustain myself by simply writing fiction. It just seems… counterproductive to spend all this time and energy for this short-term goal. Why not try to find another job (because GOD HELP ME… I have GOT to get out of that office) that can help me afford the mortgage and the groceries and the dog and cat food while I write my own stories?

Writing jobs are impossible to find in this area. I’d have to go to Charlotte or Atlanta, and I’m not up for relocating right now — and I’m never relocating to Atlanta… sheesh (apologies to those who live there and love it; it’s just too big for me).

As for other jobs, I know InDesign, but I barely know Illustrator and have no knowledge of Photoshop or Quark or any of the Web designing software that design jobs require. Plus the fact that I’m not a “designer” anyway. I can layout a page — plug text and graphics in where they need to go — but I don’t have an eye for design. If you were to give me just two sentences of text and a blank 8.5″x11″ page and tell me to create something eye-catching, I’d ask you for a paper bag to breathe in.

While I have writing ability for market/advertising, those jobs want you to know Excel and Powerpoint and all those Office applications. I know only Word.

See what a catch I am?

I did get that massage this past weekend; however, I did have a moment of slight panic as I turned on the appropriate street but still didn’t see a sign for the name of the business. I turned into the parking lot and looked harder, but still couldn’t find it.

I circled the block and came back around and suddenly, I saw the street number “1990.” A-ha! I had the right building. I parked the car, and luckily, a woman was getting out of her car at the same time. I asked her if she knew the suite where my massage therapist was, and while she wasn’t exactly sure, she found someone who did know.

So I suppose I’m going to have to keep circling the block and looking at the road map and hopefully, someone might have some directions for me.

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