Things My Body Hates

1) Chef Boyardee: A few hours after eating one of the chef’s concoctions (or any canned pasta dish for that matter), you’ll find me in the bathroom puking my guts up and praying for death every 30 minutes. Frozen spaghetti entrees do the same thing, so I avoid all of them like the plague.

2) Maybelline makeup: Wearing anything from this product line makes my eyelids itch and turn red. Then they dry up and form a lovely layer of white, crusty, dry skin that flakes into my eyelashes. I look like a leper.

3) Watches: Any sort of metal watch makes my wrist breakout in a rash. Luckily, gold bracelets don’t do the same thing. The only other relative who had this problem was my grandfather. Just goes to show that I seem to inherit the worst from all sides of my family.

4) The sun: My skin doesn’t turn that lovely golden brown. My “tan” is a darker shade of red, more like a burgundy color – or maybe cranberry. Then I freckle. I gave up trying to tan in college, so hopefully, I’ll avoid doing any more damage.

5) Pepperoni pizza for supper: Somehow while I sleep, the pepperonis summon the devil, who takes his fiery pitchfork, jabs it into my esophagus and gives it one huge twist.


9 thoughts on “Things My Body Hates

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  1. So you say the devil creeps into your tummy and jabs you with his pitchfork?

    Hmmm…I think I might have to have a word with a certain Mr. Beelzebub.

    That’s not kosher…not one bit.


  2. The pitchfork is not a sign of the devil, more like what the church has made it to.

    Anyhow,my body hates canned pasta too. The first time i ate one I almost ripped my guts out. Then someone fed me one and didn’t know about my allergy and I swear my puke was becoming green when I finaly finished.


  3. allergic to canned pasta? i can’t say i’ve ever heard about that one….. you have my sympathy. (i had cheese ravioli this morning, since i was in too much of a hurry to actually fix something before heading to work this morning.)


  4. I completely understand what you mean about being allergic to chef boyardee. I have never been able to eat it without being sick from it all night, so I don’t bother touching the stuff. Also, I am allergic to the metal in earrings (silver) and cannot wear earrings with backs in them. Gold hoops have become my friend.


  5. I am allergic to Chef Boyardee too! Have you ever figured out what’s in it that makes you sick? I eat it and, depsite enjoying it, the next day my head is pounding, my stomach is churning and anything that comes out of me is orange.


Thoughts, anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

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