Hear That? It’s My Biological Clock Going Off

I nearly gave my husband a heart attack Friday night. No, you pervs, not that way. Between one of our coworkers and his wife having a baby last week and another couple we’re friends with adopting two toddlers from Kazakhstan, baby fever has set in.

Danny and I were married five years in December, and both of us want children; however, the idea scares the hell out of Danny. So when I made the comment over dinner Friday night that I wanted a baby, I thought he was going to drop his knife and fork and keel over in the restaurant booth where we were sitting.

Granted, some things have to happen before we call the stork (because that’s how you get babies, right? KIDDING!). The most important thing is that I have to lose weight. I know, why lose weight when I’m just going to gain it when I’m pregnant? The thing is, I’m really overweight – the kind of overweight that makes carrying a baby unhealthy for me and her/him. I’ve read the medical advice, I know what needs to be done, but I’m also running out of time. By the time most of the women in my family reach their early 40s, the batteries in their biological clock start fading. Or, in technical terms, The Change starts. I’ve always hated that phrase, “The Change.” The words make it sound like invasion of the body snatchers. Well, I guess it might feel that way from the way some women talk about it.

And while I’m sort of on the subject of the way women talk about these life stages, let me just say that I’ve also never understood why TV shows practically glamorize girls’ getting their first period. The mother dotes on her daughter and smiles and cries and says, “Oh, you’re a woman now.” Yeah. Congratulations. Welcome to 30-40 years of monthly cramps, bloating, crying fits crabbiness and disgusting bodily functions. Here’s an Always or a Tampax and some Midol. Get used to them. I have to say, my mother never got all joyful when I got my first period; she offered sympathy. I also don’t know of any other girls who heard the whole “you’re a woman now” speech either. And for the record, no, you shouldn’t be marking these dates on your calendar!

Aaaaanyway, the point is, my biological clock is ticking rather loudly now, and I’ve got a lot of things to do before I can even think of shutting it up. I know I can’t wait until everything is perfect – having enough money, having the right job, being the ideal weight – because that will never happen. I’m realistic enough to know this; however, the situation can and needs to improve to make sure that my possible – and hopefully imminent – pregnancy goes as smoothly as possible. Wish me luck, and feel free to send smelling salts for Danny!


2 thoughts on “Hear That? It’s My Biological Clock Going Off

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  1. thank goodness i never got the “you’re a woman now” speech. in fact, i got the “meat tenderizer and this box of kotex will be your new best friends” talk. meat tenderizer and i are still on good terms, but kotex and i broke up after i met tampax.


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