I've done the basics this week, and that's been the best I can do. I've gotten up, made it to work, put in my eight hours, eaten three meals, and collapsed into bed every night this week without accomplishing anything. And that feels lousy.
It all started out on Monday with a really bad PMS episode and me crying at the drop of a hat. I've got several things weighing on me. I've got a job that leaves me unsatisfied, a weight problem I've struggled with all my life, and now some financial issues.
The stress has left me with a lack the motivation for working on anything — my writing, my exercise regimen, my eating plan, our financial plan. I just shove it all in the corner and refuse to look at it.
So here I sit on a Saturday night feeling worthless and hopeless. Up until January, I took medication for anxiety/depression problems, but I'm tired of relying on drugs. I've done it for four and a half years, and I don't think I've given other treatment methods a real shot.
In January, I quit taking meds and focused on a eating plan and exercise routine. I lost 15 pounds and felt really good. Then I started having stomach problems — not on the level of the gall bladder issues I had last year, but enough to eat through all my sick days — which has been diagnosed as stomach acid.
I got off my routine, and I just haven't gotten back on track. In the meantime, my mental health has gone downhill to the point that I'm seeing it as a problem again. My therapist told me that I needed to watch for the signs that led me to start taking meds in the first place, and I have seen some of those symptoms return.
The easy way out is to just go get the prescription refilled and start popping those pills again, but I don't want to take meds for the rest of my life. I think if I get back on track with the exercise and eating right, I'll be okay.
Now, to start dragging my ass out of bed at five-freakin'-thirty again…