The Latest Work That Reminds Me How Much I Want to Write

I meant to write this when Cinlach and I went to see the movie Juno in the theater, but — as with many other ideas I get for posts — I tossed this into a pile of thoughts that every once in a while jump up and say, “Helloooo, Slack Ass, remember us? You’re not posting very often.” Then I beat them down with my mental bat and tell them to shut up.

But then Juno came out on DVD, and I remembered that I wanted to tell you why this movie is a big ol’ kick-in-the-butt reminder that I need to be doing what I’ve always wanted to do.

Diablo Cody has received and assload of praise and an assload of backlash about her screenplay. Even one of our friends was incensed when she won the Oscar. Me? I could care less. I’m not even going to comment on whether I think she’s brilliant or an one-hit wonder. That doesn’t matter. All that concerns me is the movie.

Now, I give you a bit of backstory before I delve into what was, for me, the movie’s pivotal scene. You may wanna grab a snack… just sayin’.

Throughout most of high school, I had a crush on M. I’ve talked about it before — how I read my poetry to him and he said he liked it and that he had remembered other poems of mine that he had read. There very well might have been similar feelings there on his part, but whenever I thought he was possibly talking about those kinds of feelings toward me, I immediately changed the subject — even though I had all sorts of crazy things going on in my head about him. Why did I do this? Hell if I know. I haven’t gotten into this situation with my therapist.

Well, needless to say, M found someone else — a girl who went to another high school and was a year older. Now, I’m thankful that it was another school; however, I found out a few months later (once I was into my senior year) that M’s girlfriend was best friends with one of my friends from church, K. K was a freshman at the college I was applying to, and I found out about the connection on a weekend when I went to stay with her to check out the campus.

That summer after I graduated, I hung out a lot with K and one of her other friends, who had also been best friends with M’s girlfriend. Let me say that I wasn’t doing that in the hopes of seeing M. In fact, I didn’t really want to see him because I know he’d most likely be with his girlfriend, and I really didn’t want the reminder that I screwed up and let him get away.

But one night, after K, her friend, and I had just finished watching a movie at K’s house, her friend (and I’m referring to her that way because her name also starts with a K and I don’t want your brain to explode… like it hasn’t done that already) pressured K to set a date for their group of four friends to do something together. K was being sort of reluctant, and her friend said, “Come on, K. This is our last summer when we’re all really going to be together. (So and so) is getting married. Your going back to Columbia, (M’s girlfriend) is having her baby…”

It took a couple of seconds to realize who they were talking about, but when I did, it felt like someone had just jerked my stomach down to my knees. I still remember the thunderstorm that had started outside.

“You didn’t know, did you?” K asked, and I shook my head.

And then I asked the most insensitive question that has ever come out of my mouth: “Is it M’s baby?”

That’s right, I went there. In my shock and disbelief, I totally questioned the morals of one of their best friends… go me, right?

K’s friend looked incredulous that I had asked as she answered, “Yes.”

Even though the thunder crashed and the rain poured outside, I wanted to get out of there because I knew I was on the verge of losing it. While K knew that I wasn’t really over M, K’s friend didn’t, and I refused to leave a blubbering mess. So I mentioned the late hour and practically ran out of there.

M’s girlfriend had the baby in September and gave it up for adoption.

Which brings us (finally… sorry about the backstory) back to Juno. Now, I am giving away some of the story, so if you haven’t seen it yet (which, by the way, shame on you), and you can’t stand being spoiled, sorry.

So Juno has her baby, and the father, Paulie, shows up not long after the delivery and without a word, lays down beside her on the bed and holds her as she cries. Then Juno’s narration says, “We didn’t want to see him. It never felt like he was ours anyway.”

And I start bawling because after 18 years, I realize what M and his girlfriend must have gone through and what a huge douche and terrible friend I was. And then later, I realize what an incredible work of movie magic it is to reach out and pull up such emotion.

That is why Juno rocks, and that is what I want to accomplish with my stories… when I finally get my ass in gear and start writing them.

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