You may not believe this, but I did see you barreling up beside me in the other lane at the exact moment I eased (just barely!) over the dashed line into your lane. I was already moving back into my lane when you decided to let me know of my error with your horn. Not just a quick beep, but an I’m-going-to-see-if-I can-get-my-hand-in-the-steering-column sort of pressure and length. Thanks. No, really, I appreciate your overreaction.
And I must commend you on your dexterity, because when you pulled up beside me, I realized that you had laid down on the horn WHILE TALKING ON YOUR CELL PHONE! What a multitasker you are! It’s a true feat that you could concentrate on your conversation about your next hair appointment (I mean, that had to be the topic because, honey, you need to fix that blonde, frizzy mop.) to ward off an imminent calamity.
Fortunately, your brush with what was obviously certain death before you put me in my place didn’t put a damper on your phone conversation because I watched that phone stay up to your ear the whole way down Butler until you turned off at Tony’s Pizza.
So kudos to you, Ms. McBitcherson, because you are clearly a better driver than I. I give you a two-hand, middle-finger salute in honor of your awesomeness.
Kiss My Ass,
The Chick in the Red HHR