Dear Mother Nature

I’m not calling this an intervention because those usually involve a bunch of friends and family and some sort of professional counselor to mediate, and frankly, I couldn’t pull all that together on short notice. Plus, are you actually related to anyone? Is Father Time your husband?

I could go the How I Met Your Mother route with a big sign and whatnot, but really, that show needs its own intervention about going around its ass to have Ted meet the freakin’ mother, so that’s not the best example.

I’m gonna start with, “How are you feeling?” I ask because it took us a quite a while to get spring around here this year, and now that we’re into summer, it’s been — well — rather wet. I know, I know, I don’t mean to complain, but last Tuesday it poured for four hours straight. Four. Hours. In July. With no tropical storm or anything.

Last Friday afternoon’s storm

Today I read that Upstate SC has a rainfall surplus of fifteen inches. Fifteen. That’s a couple inches shy of the length of a full-term newborn baby. And as I write this, I’m watching the rain pour once again — from a storm cell moving at a blistering pace of FIVE MILES AN HOUR. Seriously? There are people who can run faster than that. The elite runners from the Cooper River Bridge Run could outrun this storm.

I’m just wondering if there’s something we can do. Get you a carton of ice cream? Maybe get  your meds refilled? Not trying to be mean, but you know you can’t quit those cold turkey. I speak from experience.

My pretty umbrella, now well-used…

Anyhoo, I thought I’d check in, say hello, maybe see if you could scale the waterworks back. Just a smidge, you know? Enough so I could not panic if I leave the house without my umbrella? I mean, I love my umbrella — looks like a purple gerbera daisy when opened — but I hadn’t planned on using it quite this much.

No rush on those scorching summer temperatures, though. Feel free to leave those off altogether. We’re all perfectly fine with 80s for highs in July. That’s why we all have air conditioners.

So… hope you get back to normal soon. You know, before we have to start catching a ride to work on an ark.




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